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November: Betrayed by a Friend
In Sweetgrass Basket, Mattie feels betrayed by her friend Gracie, yet she understands Gracie is not as strong-willed as she is. Have you ever felt betrayed by a friend? Were you able to forgive that person?
9 comments:
Betrayals, broken promises, and other disappointments greatly hurt me.
I think the worst betrayals are the tiny ones. They are the hardest to combat or discuss because singularly they seem so trivial, but the hurt and resentment can add up quickly. I'm talking, not calling back when you say you will, flaking out on plans, not listening when someone needs to talk, not asking questions or showing concern. We are all guilty of these things to some degree or another, but oh how much stronger our friendships would be if we weren't!
Oh yes, the tiny ones can lead to small fissures that grow into big cracks, Liz. I agree.
Yes, those little betrayals (not showing up on time, forgetting to do something, etc.) are the hard ones because they do add up, and then that pattern of behavior impacts the nature of the relationship. It says we are not important enough. If you can’t count on those close to you, who can you rely on? The glitch in this philosophy, of course, is that some of our relationships are based on unconditional love/commitment and these people know that, at least subconsciously, they can disappoint us but we still love them.
However, seemingly bigger betrayals (not standing behind you in a cause when they said they would, ignoring you in a time of crisis) are easier to forgive because fear for oneself motivates people more than worrying that someone will be disappointed. Hence, in spite of Mattie’s rebellious, typical teenage nature, her level of maturity shows when we see that she does understand Gracie’s fear.
The old adage that you’ll know who your true friends are when they’re put to the test certainly has merit. But since I always seems to be advocating for and explaining away behavior of young people, I think we have to be careful not to expect too much. A newer adage? Forgive everyone everything. It’s just hard.
Have I ever felt betrayed? Sure. Do I care? Not any more.
I was once betrayed by a friend, and it came completely out of nowhere, which made it hurt five times as much.
I still think about it sometimes, so no, I don't think I'm really over it.
I'm someone who always wants to forgive and mend fences, I just don't know if I ever could with this person. It hurt too much. Maybe someday.
Betrayed? Pssh. All the time. Problem is I take friendship very seriously coupled with the whole trust issue... and I disagree with the whole idea of we tending to ignore the big betrayals, those are the hardest and sometimes big betrayals are even made up of a million little ones you didn't know.
It all comes down to what matters more, your friendship or what they did to you.
I haven't been betrayed by friends. How nice to be able to say that!
Yes, betrayals! I'm a very loyal person and invest my heart in friendships, and it surprises and hurts me when others do not - knowing this about myself, the onus is on me to be wise about my friend choices.
I have some betrayals in high school to thank for finding true friends - the friendships that have now lasted over half my life. Those are friends worth investing in!
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