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June: Parents Making Mistakes
In Sweethearts, Jenna's mom makes some mistakes when it comes to dealing with Jenna's past and current issues. What do you wish parents would do differently when you confide in them?
In Sweethearts, Jenna's mom makes some mistakes when it comes to dealing with Jenna's past and current issues. What do you wish parents would do differently when you confide in them? 
11 comments:
My parents did a great job of saying to me, "I'm not sure how to handle this situation." I think that honesty helped us figure out how to work through new territory together. That may have worked better for Jenna's parents too.
Honesty is key in any and all situations. I was very close to my mom growing up, and remain close to her as an adult.
I believe it's so important for parents to model how to convey they are sorry and ask for forgiveness. By saying, "I'm sorry and will you forgive me," they teach the child everyone makes mistakes and then how to proceed.
Explaining choices helps, too. And reminding the child of the parents' intentions.
I love my mom, but I wouldn't say honesty was the hallmark of our relationship when I was a teen. I did not want to deal with her disapproval, so always acted the part of the nice Christian girl I was raised to be. There were times I would have liked to share honestly what was going on in my life, but it felt like a giant can of worms I wasn't willing to open...
Like Sara Z, I didn't feel that I was able to be completely open an denial played a big part in our family dynamics.
Perhaps as a reaction to that I am very open with my kids, and I totally agree with what Lori said about letting your kids hear you say you were wrong and you are sorry.
I also send a big YAY to Melissa's parents. I was at the doctor's office with my 12 year old daughter recently and they had all these brochures about different things - I took one about "Dealing with your adolescent". She was like "Mom, you're so...PARENTING BOOK!" I just said, "Honey, they didn't send you with an instruction manual and I don't know all the answers. I need all the help I can get."
My parents didn't tell me they were proud of me until I graduated from college. I know why they didn't--in part, not wanting to give me a swelled head, in part because they didn't want to make comparisons between my sister and me, because she had learning disabilities.
As a parent, I tried to do better, to praise as well as criticize, and to be honest with both.
I can relate to what Sara said - having grown up, I think, in a similar environment. I have to say things are very different now, and I see them doing different things with my nieces and nephews. As a parent, I'm very conscious of others' mistakes and trying to stay aware of mine! I love what Lorie Ann said about showing our kids when we are sorry and asking for forgiveness. Even with a four year-old, that kind of honesty goes a long way.
When I confide in my parents these days it is for emotional support. But they are still locked in the days of "trying to fix it." I just want to be heard.
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